Wednesday, February 18, 2015

What I Want From 2015

As I said in my Spain post, 2015 is going to be my year. I’m going to grow and learn who I am. Who I have always been but forgotten. Here’s a list of things that I want to accomplish this year and yes, I do realize that I am almost 2 months behind, but some things can’t be avoided. And the events of those 2 months have led me to the creation of this list. Without them I would have just remained comfortable with where I was.

#1. I want to travel. This I have already made steps towards. I booked flights to Spain. I’ve also decided that I am going to go on one big trip a year. Life is too short no to, and you can always make more money.

#2. I want to look and feel the best that I possibly can. Operation: Superhero is the means to this end. Eating better, working out and just trying to live a better lifestyle.

#3. Sincerious Communication. I want to continue to work on opening up and talking about my thoughts and feelings. Communicating freely, openly and honestly about anything.

#4. I want to meet people. I want to establish new friendships. I eventually want a new relationship (when I feel I am able and ready to, that is). And both of those can only be achieved by meeting new people.

#5. I want to become less attached to material items. Everything you need, you carry around with you. I want to minimize my collection of ‘crap’. Go through my stack of comic book/Star Wars related T-shirts and get rid of the ones that I don’t wear. It’s a start.

#6. I want to spend less money on frivolous things. Get my savings in order to afford travel and day-to-day expenses (ie: rent, bills, gas, etc..). And I can’t do that if I spend my money on a whim whenever something catches my eye.

#7. I want to go out and have fun again. I want to be able to enjoy myself without constantly feeling guilty or depressed thinking about what I had and lost. But that will come in time when I have moved on from my grieving stage.

#8. I don’t want to take anything for granted anymore. For the last 6.5 years I have taken my relationship for granted. Not that I’ve taken advantage of her. That is not my meaning at all. Or that I didn’t appreciate her and all that she was/is/will continue to be. What I mean is that I took for granted that she would be with me. Be there for me when I needed her. Be there when I got home from a late night at work. Forever. And I think that assumption caused me to become a little stagnant in my attention to her. Or it caused her to believe that I don’t/didn’t appreciate her. Nothing could be farther from the truth, but I don’t know what thoughts crossed her mind or how she thinks anymore. But I digress. I want to live life to its fullest and appreciate all the small things. Not take them for granted as always present and there. Sometimes things/people leave and all you can do is pick up the pieces.

#9. I want to strengthen the relationships that I DO still have. Create stronger bonds with friends. Those friends were sort of put on the back burner because I spent so much time focusing on my relationship. And, to be honest, she didn’t like that the majority of my friends are women. I can understand that really. But looking at my life right now, she’s gone and my friends are still here. It’s time to give them a bit of the spotlight that was reserved for her.

#10. Finding myself. Probably the most cliché thing on this list. I used to be strong. So very independent. I was never afraid of being alone. It didn’t bother me. And then I fell in love. I changed. I’m not the same person I was 7 years ago. Hell, I’m not even the same person I was 1 year ago.  Now the question is, who am I now? How much have I changed? How much have I stayed the same? How much further do I have to go before I can be happy with myself again? Who is ‘Chad’?

I’m going to endeavor to work on this list over the course of the year. Some of the points I’ve started to work on. Some of them I’m not ready to yet. But one thing is for sure. This is going to be a doozy of a year for me.

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